Besides the four main categories of materials mentioned here, three other materials have influenced the bicycle industry enough to merit mention: beryllium, magnesium and metal matrix composites, or MMCs. The former can be wrapped up in a single sentence, written by John Markoff for the New York Times: “Some [exotic materials], like beryllium, which is highly toxic without special treatment, have already been tried and are generally regarded as failures.” The latter two, fortunately, have been more successful.

I have begun bulk production of bullshit, a small-scale manufacturing operation requiring the use of a very expensive vertical machining center and the use of a global acquisition/distribution network. Unprocessed human waste is shipped to me from such exotic locales as Tokyo and Helsinki, processed with high-carbon steel drill bits and titanium reamers in the VMC, and then braze welded by an Indian graduate student who studies microscalar tribology. I do the precision finishing myself, following up with lasers to spot-check surface roughness. The polished product is then shipped all over the world, COD.

Academia is a fantastic machine, rivaled only by the political marketing industry in sheer scope and efficiency. Cazart!